We returned from our stay in Beautiful British Columbia, just in time for an emotional end to being a full-time mommy. My year long maternity leave came to end, surprisingly abruptly… never mind that I had known the specific date for 12 months. And never mind that all the other woking mommies in California get on average somewhere between 6 weeks to 3 months of maternity leave, depending on how much personal time they have banked or how generous their employer is.
I knew that I was lucky to have had a year to stay home with my child. I knew that I was lucky to have a job to go back to in this terrible economy, not to mention a great job, one that I actually liked. I knew that the prospect of having time to myself to think, to be creative, to have adult conversations, to take lunch breaks and coffee breaks would be really nice. But I was overwhelmed with grief. And guilt. And confusion. And there was a little lump of breath left over in my chest… which took weeks to exhale.
I saw mommies all around me with no such dilemmas, effortlessly working mommies or stay-at-home mommies, happy with their choice. Not one seemed to be teetering on the edge of decision making as I was. And as I had done a million times over the past year, each time I saw a slim, put-together, well-rested looking mom, I thought WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME???
But with all my goodwill and my intention to be a decisive super mommy, I struggled with the decision to leave my little UrbanBaby to the care of others. Simpler said, It SUCKED!
Raising a happy child with a healthy spirit is my number one priority these days, and regardless of how much I hear of the importance of daycare, I believe that the best thing for my child’s development is as much time with people who truly adore her. I also know of the social, economical, and personal benefits of having a job, a career, and an income. Balancing the two is very hard!
In the end, as in most cases, the decision is made for you by the circumstances. Luckily, I had a lot of banked vacation, which allowed me to make the transition gradually, and so far it has actually worked out for us much nicer than I had expected.
But I am still on the quest to find the secret of those fantastic looking, peaceful working moms of toddlers. If you have any secrets to share, please do!
I knew that I was lucky to have had a year to stay home with my child. I knew that I was lucky to have a job to go back to in this terrible economy, not to mention a great job, one that I actually liked. I knew that the prospect of having time to myself to think, to be creative, to have adult conversations, to take lunch breaks and coffee breaks would be really nice. But I was overwhelmed with grief. And guilt. And confusion. And there was a little lump of breath left over in my chest… which took weeks to exhale.
I saw mommies all around me with no such dilemmas, effortlessly working mommies or stay-at-home mommies, happy with their choice. Not one seemed to be teetering on the edge of decision making as I was. And as I had done a million times over the past year, each time I saw a slim, put-together, well-rested looking mom, I thought WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME???
But with all my goodwill and my intention to be a decisive super mommy, I struggled with the decision to leave my little UrbanBaby to the care of others. Simpler said, It SUCKED!
Raising a happy child with a healthy spirit is my number one priority these days, and regardless of how much I hear of the importance of daycare, I believe that the best thing for my child’s development is as much time with people who truly adore her. I also know of the social, economical, and personal benefits of having a job, a career, and an income. Balancing the two is very hard!
In the end, as in most cases, the decision is made for you by the circumstances. Luckily, I had a lot of banked vacation, which allowed me to make the transition gradually, and so far it has actually worked out for us much nicer than I had expected.
But I am still on the quest to find the secret of those fantastic looking, peaceful working moms of toddlers. If you have any secrets to share, please do!
Honey, I must say that no matter in what language you write, you are a marvelous writer!!! I am very proud of you dear. If you find the secrets of those peaceful working moms, fantastic looking, please share it with me! No only I didn't lose my pregnancy weight after the second child also I gained year after year!!
ReplyDeleteLove you golam,
xoxo
Sahar
YOU ARE SWEET Sahary! Thanks for reading my crazy blog.
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