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I Quit!

I wanted to write about this a few months back, but the topic just didn't seem too exciting in the scheme of things, until it was slowly forgotten.

But then the following chain of events suddenly pushed it up in my queue of thoughts... 


Last week, as we were packing our luggage into the car for our trip to Vancouver, this pile of leftover office-memorabilia which had been quietly residing in my trunk since I cleared out my office in June, suddenly seemed to take up too much space...   Mr. Urban couldn't easily fit three suitcases and a slew of other Toddler stuff into the trunk and was puzzled as to why there were picture frames and a stack of loose business cards roaming around my trunk...

And then when I was in Vancouver visiting with friends, I found that my decision to become a full-time UrbanMom to my girl, surprised and puzzled almost all my friends and relatives.

So, the story goes something like this.... after my one year maternity leave from work was over, I started back at work on a part-time basis, using accrued leave for the next three months.  The arrangement was nice as I had enough time to feel a connection to my work and colleagues and be creative, while still having plenty of time with my girl.  Also my girl was spending three days per week with someone other than me which I felt was good for her social development, independence, etc...  

But as most great jobs out there, this one too required a commitment of time.  And soon enough, I was asked to return to work FULL-TIME. 

Even though since I can remember I had always wanted to be a full-time mom, when the time came, I talked myself into returning to work.  

Well, there was the overwhelming voice of those around me who favor daycare, and the superior social development of children that are raised in group environments in the care of many vs. in the sole company of their mothers.  And then there was the advice of my women friends and colleagues that warned me of the lack of good, if any, opportunities for women who return to the workforce after some years of being full-time mothers. 

So out of fear of what-ifs, I decided to leave my child in the care of others early in the morning and return early in the evening, at which point I would cram a visit to the park, dinner time, reading time, cuddle time, bath time, and bed time into a short two hour period.  God forbid if the poor child was too tired from her day, or sick or teething to enjoy quality time with mommy.  And while at work, my thoughts and my heart was with my child.   And I constantly felt like I was short changing myself, my child, and my employer, every day for thirty days.  

Years earlier I had learned that Fear and Worry are products of my mind.  Had I not been worried about being able to find a job that I like in the future, what would I have decided?  

That night, after putting the UrbanBaby to bed, Mr. Urban and I talked about choices.  He reminded me that in order to find my happiness I just needed to look into my heart, that each person and family are unique in what works for them, and by exercising my truest choice every day, I teach a lesson in living well to our daughter.  Finally he told me again, as he has so often in our life together, that he believes in me to make the right decision. 

The next day, I changed careers once again...  And I took up Mr. Urban on his challenge, to create my own agenda for my life's work!
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